I am back

So sorry for going offline for so long...

Been reading up during covid:
Quatum Physics
Chinese dramas
moving house
sign up programmes to be better

What is love?

Why does it hurt so much?

Why all in your mind is her?

Why it continues to hurt and you keep missing her, even when you both are not together?

How can she live her life much better now that we are apart and yet I am suffering?

Is it punishment for being the frivolous one?

Why love appears again after 40 years of living??

I have a beautiful wife and two wonderful kids...

I don't know how to accept this punishment... its all void and vacuum in me...

Sought wife's help to recover but she arm's length me. Punishment again?

Help me God.

God... is this life? Help me God!

I had a beautiful life.

Graduated from NUS, had a good career with Singapore’s largest media company. MediaCorp.

3 private properties at the age of 33.

Driving a BMW 5 series then. My fifth car in a row. Rover Coupe, Volvo S40, Volvo S60, Audi A4 before that.

Dabbled in casino and lost 1M cash. Half from banks, half from own hard earned money and sale of one of the properties.

Almost crashed and burnt, almost forced for bankruptcy by one of the banks.

Lost 1Mil in 8 weeks. Took 8 years to recover.

Life… had it had fooled me. Bringing me a roller coaster ride one wave after another…

.

Made my first 1Mil before 32, lost it at 34… took 8 years to recover. And I did.

Fell in love with a woman in a club, with her for 3 years. Thought it was true love. Turn out not. Went back to gambling to try and appease her with goodies. What the heck!

Now I am back to square one with a very broken heart.

I have a beautiful wife and two beautiful daughters and WTH am I in this state.

Scary part is, I cant seem to forget her. Every moment, will think what she is doing, who is she with. She already made it clear that we are just friends. I heard it before from other relationships. But when it happens to me, it hurts so badly. Friends? After 3 years of ups and downs and now you say friends?… I cant imagine you with another guy, talking love with you, making love with you. 

I know… I am married, but I did not expect this part of the story as part of my life. Now that I am down and out, finance in trouble, work not stable, relationships- I have none. Neither my wife or her is doing me any good. No one is giving me their attention. I am all alone. Suicidal… not yet. But very alone and lonely. All that are going through my head is very negative. Finance. Hurt. Job. Unloved. 

What can I do now… mind is all about her and yet I know I cant live on like this. Heart pains every now and then. Trying to love my wife back but can sense she doesn't wanna be taken as second fiddle. Neither do I. But what can I do. I need to forget her and move on with my life. She already made it very clear. I have made too many mistakes and thats why she letting me go. She is happily entertained now by her friends. And I am left with a broken family. Punishment?

NCC 28 August 2016

Don't let fear takes over your life
Are you facing trials now?
Religion is about doing very best
Reality is about man, not religion
1 Corinthians 10
No temptation has overtaken you except such as common to man
Heaven's currency is faith
God is faithful to allow you to be tested
1 Corinthians 11
Jesus bears all punishments for us
Don't be remorseful of your sins
Repentance is key
God made us righteous
We sin less and less with God's love

ncc 22 noemer

2 chronicles 20: 2-12
my eyes are upon you, Lord
mountains of prolems ut we seek you
cast your eyes upon the lord
eyes start to shift away from your prolems
and shift your eyes to God

8 nov ncc Marilyn

Put your hand on your heart and say:
Good afternoon god, good afternoon Jesus
I am your beloved Charles
I am the light of the world

Revelation knowledge
Health and prosperity
Meditate on his words
I got a secret: meditate n be successful

Promise land
Joshua
I am getting revelation psalms 1:39
Meditating

The word works
Morning word think for you
Afternoon word guides you
Wisdom
Wisdom through meditation

Heart problems
Get your heart, new hearts, good hearts
The word heals every destruction
New hearts are happening in our church

Game is not over till you win
John 5
Be Whole
Process healing

25 october 2015 new creation mbs

Pastor prince

sense his presence

healing and health

bring heaven to our earthly healing

position is determined by your rewards from god

faithful by gifts of god

morality contribution and judgement

we all need a savior

matiest- deader than dead

attack when studying on healing (in hebrew)
revelation on healing

Proverbs 4:20-22
My son, give attention to my words
incline your ear to my sayings
do not let them depart from your eyes
keep them in the midst of your heart
for they are life to those who find them
and health to all their flesh