What is love?

Why does it hurt so much?

Why all in your mind is her?

Why it continues to hurt and you keep missing her, even when you both are not together?

How can she live her life much better now that we are apart and yet I am suffering?

Is it punishment for being the frivolous one?

Why love appears again after 40 years of living??

I have a beautiful wife and two wonderful kids...

I don't know how to accept this punishment... its all void and vacuum in me...

Sought wife's help to recover but she arm's length me. Punishment again?

Help me God.

God... is this life? Help me God!

I had a beautiful life.

Graduated from NUS, had a good career with Singapore’s largest media company. MediaCorp.

3 private properties at the age of 33.

Driving a BMW 5 series then. My fifth car in a row. Rover Coupe, Volvo S40, Volvo S60, Audi A4 before that.

Dabbled in casino and lost 1M cash. Half from banks, half from own hard earned money and sale of one of the properties.

Almost crashed and burnt, almost forced for bankruptcy by one of the banks.

Lost 1Mil in 8 weeks. Took 8 years to recover.

Life… had it had fooled me. Bringing me a roller coaster ride one wave after another…

.

Made my first 1Mil before 32, lost it at 34… took 8 years to recover. And I did.

Fell in love with a woman in a club, with her for 3 years. Thought it was true love. Turn out not. Went back to gambling to try and appease her with goodies. What the heck!

Now I am back to square one with a very broken heart.

I have a beautiful wife and two beautiful daughters and WTH am I in this state.

Scary part is, I cant seem to forget her. Every moment, will think what she is doing, who is she with. She already made it clear that we are just friends. I heard it before from other relationships. But when it happens to me, it hurts so badly. Friends? After 3 years of ups and downs and now you say friends?… I cant imagine you with another guy, talking love with you, making love with you. 

I know… I am married, but I did not expect this part of the story as part of my life. Now that I am down and out, finance in trouble, work not stable, relationships- I have none. Neither my wife or her is doing me any good. No one is giving me their attention. I am all alone. Suicidal… not yet. But very alone and lonely. All that are going through my head is very negative. Finance. Hurt. Job. Unloved. 

What can I do now… mind is all about her and yet I know I cant live on like this. Heart pains every now and then. Trying to love my wife back but can sense she doesn't wanna be taken as second fiddle. Neither do I. But what can I do. I need to forget her and move on with my life. She already made it very clear. I have made too many mistakes and thats why she letting me go. She is happily entertained now by her friends. And I am left with a broken family. Punishment?